Dates, not as in on this date in 312 AD the Romans left Britain (If that is actually correct I've amazed myself), but dates as in romance, awkwardness, the sly glances across the table or the gentle brush of fingers. That type of date, you with me?
I would never consider myself a coniseur of the date world. I can probably still count the amount of women I've been on dates with on one hand. Now don't think that means I'm some kind of 'Ugo' with a large over bite and a mono brow. Oh no dear reader, I consider myself a handsome chap and it has been confirmed on a few occasions that this is the case. Admittedly all cases involved alcohol and it was dark so they couldn't see my hair. Anyway I digress. So why so few dates? Well I just don't like forcing things. Things should come together naturally and easily. I admit the last date I went on I asked the pretty lady if she did indeed want to go on a date but we kind of were already on a date. I'd love to go into details but some things should remain between two people so you'll have to trust me on this. Anyway the so few dates is due to letting things come naturally together and before you say it no its not lazyness. So onto the the actual guide (wriiten by an idiot):
1. Don't over think things.
Don't fret about what place to go, what to eat. Use the mantra of winging it and everything should fall into place.
2. Choose the Datee (Is that a word I just made up?) wisely.
Don't go asking everyone and anyone. The Dresden tactic (Sorry Germans) is not an efficient tactic. If you're going to ask someone out on a date make sure that they fit at least some of your criterias of your perfect partner. But If you're that hung up about not getting any action ensure they are at above a 5 out of 10 in the looks department. Sheesh, theres no need to tortue yourself.
3. Don't hold back.
If the dates going well make sure that you say it. Don't hold back feelings just say what you're thinking. I admit that you shouldn't really spout out 'have my babies' on the first date. I'd wait till at least six months into the relationship. Jesus.
4. Be yourself.
Relax. Be yourself. If you're dates turned up its a good sign that they may like the person you are. If you're comfotable within yourself you're datee (that word again) will be comfortable.
5. Have fun.
Run round at all times like an idiot. Seriously, if thats how you get your kicks then do it. Although try not to do it with a traffic cone on your head.
So there you have it. A simple five step plan to successful dating. Treat it like the AA twelve step plan and you'll be hunky dory. It works I can assure you. It was successful for me last night. Well I say successful I mean Epic. Epic Date nights are the future. I've seen it, tasted it.
So if you want an Epic date get yourself out in the East End of London with a beautiful lady in tow and wing it. You never know you may just end up drinking Champagne and smoking cigars all night.
Till next time blog world...
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